Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
