The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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