I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
