OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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