and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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