oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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