His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
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New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize