Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
