I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
