you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
