drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
