you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize