My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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