dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
