Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
