you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
