Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
