and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
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I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
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And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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