So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
