I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Randomize
