My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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