WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
