You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
