haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
