hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
