Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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