the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
