Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it's like heaven, but drunker
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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