I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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