Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm like, not good at living.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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