Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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