I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
