Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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