gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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