naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
