I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
this will be a night to untag.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
