I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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