Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
