When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
