I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
