all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
