dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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