OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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