I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
