If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
