Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
