There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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