If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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