Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
