Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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