Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
