hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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