just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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