Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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