Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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