Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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