He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
