I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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