sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
