Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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